So Joe McElderry has managed to get himself a second allbum. 'Good', you may think, 'I loved him on The X Factor and it's a shame he got messed around by Syco because he seems a lovely lad'. But then you hear the news that the second album will consist of "classic songs" like Somewhere Over The Rainbow and Nessun Dorma. It's even called 'Classic'. 'Oh dear' you think. Oh dear indeed.
If Joe really wants to release a covers album that will sell somewhere in the region of 12 copies then that's his choice, and one that must be respected. But he could at least make the songs good. Here are the ones that he should do.
Robbie Williams - No Regrets
One of Robbie's finest. A song that Joe performed on the first week of The X Factor. It was a bit shaky, but showed promise. It would be quite good in recorded form (With the two Neils still included, naturally.)
Mario Winans - I Don't Wanna Know
A bit of a dirge, but jazz the production up a bit and you're there. It'd work a lot better with a better vocalist. (ie Joe.)
Olive - You're Not Alone
Just imagine that.
Robyn - Should Have Known
Sombre balladry. But with more sombreness and strings, and less synths and swearing.
Steps - It's The Way You Make Me Feel
Claire, Faye, H, Lisa and even Lee: all vocal powerhouses. No match for Joe though.
Godley & Creme - Cry
Totally overlooked and totally brilliant. Should have been his first single. No worry Joe, there's still time.
Westlife - If I Let You Go
Needs no explanation.
Erasure - A Little Respect
Him and Andy Bell are mates now, right? Well there we go then.
Mike Oldfield - Moonlight Shadow (Raved Up Cascada Style)
If ever a song lended itself to being redone in Cascadacular rave fashion, this would be it. And Joe's VOX would suit it perfectly.
Eric Saade - Popular
This year's Eurovision final averaged 9.5 million viewers, meaning about 50 million people in the UK, to their detriment, have never heard this song. Joe is the man to bring it to ever so slightly wider attention. He could he even say he wrote it or something, they'd be none the wiser.
Emma Bunton - Maybe
Let's be honest, Joe would knock Emma's version of this into a cocked hat.
Belvedere Kane - Never Felt As Good
Euphoric album closer, one for the people/person who bought and enjoyed the first album.
Here's your album cover:
And there we have it.
Someone phone Decca now please, cheers.